Saturday, October 09, 2004


I’m the fuck is Alice

Director: Alexander Witt
Cast: Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, Matthew G Taylor, Mike Epps

Tagline: The evil continues...

My name's Cheven and i remember everything. 28 Days Later and Dawn of the Dead have stripped away the annoyingly camp, brought back slow, clever terror and display post-millennial human coldness like nothing else, whereas Shawn of the Dead crammed Romero’s horrors into a tired old rom-com template to produce the funniest British film in years. All this has made the zombie flick the most self aware horror genre of the moment, far ahead of where the slasher was six years ago.
It is a bit unfair in this undead renaissance to direct blind hatred at Resident Evil: Apocalypse purely for not being as deep as the competition. It is after all a relatively faithful videogame adaptation which deserves respect for being packed with affectionate references while simultaneously avoiding the rigidity of the games storyline and having more fun with the format. Commendation also required for not being full of the ‘up close and impersonal’ confusing action sequences that a certain useless director by the name of ‘McG’ has somehow made standard. What is onscreen is rather exciting throughout and ultimately well directed, except for the bizarre choice of reducing the frame rate to a dial-up crawl every time a crowd of zombies appears.
The whole thing nods back to a simpler age (i.e. when there was just the one Matrix), with references to sinister corporate powers kept appropriately insubstantial as a rubber brute called Project Nemesis (a bulletproof creation somewhere between Alien and Ving Rhames) struts around with a minigun as if looking for a duke to nuke. Instead he it finds a now (less visibly) genetically enhanced Alice, who unlike in the first film, absolutely whups. Remember kids, when bullets fail, try punches. As a side note, Milla Jovovich also appears to be carving herself the world’s smallest fetish niche, appearing in her third nude sci-fi bondage-escape scenario in a film where she is romantically involved with the writer or director. Long may the motif continue.

Summary in Haiku form:
Once again we see
Umbrella Corporation
Are complete bastards


Blogger Dude said...

I liked the first one. I can't help but say that you're ripping off Empire's haiku idea.

9:22 AM  
Blogger cheven said...

I've been doing the haiku thing for years, summarised every poem i did in school. dunno if empire were in there first or not. Plus mine are actual haikus, in that they are vaguely poetic and meet the appropriate syllable-structure.

9:25 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home